Spring was short here in Madrid. One day it was cold, the next there were flowers blooming everywhere, and then within a week, the heat arrived.

It’s been about 85 degrees the last couple of days, and it’s incredible. I can’t fully enjoy Spain when it’s cold out, and after a winter that lasted from November to April, full of snow and floods and mold and every imaginable horrible thing that winter can bring, I am so ready for the heat. I’ve been spending a lot of the daytime lounging around in parks, mostly Retiro (in the photo) or in the little park near the house with Bruno. I’ve started to get a nice tan and cannot wait for an opportunity to go to the beach, though that’s a little hard considering the short weekends and long distance to the coast from Madrid. I think the only way that this experience could be better would be if there was a beach nearby. Or if I had full weekends off. I think I might actually go for that second option if I had a choice. Nighttime has been spent on a variety of terraces, in bars, in the street, walking around and enjoying the fact that layers and layers of clothing are no longer needed. I had been dying to go to a rooftop bar, because that just feels like the epitome of a cosmopolitan, big-city summer night activity, and by some wonderful twist of fate I happened to find myself here this past week. Honestly, Madrid is very, very good.

I am still wavering back and forth between whether I should stay in Spain or go home. All practicality and reason points to the fact that I should go home, wherever that is. I am super excited by the idea of being in California again, but then I think about the fact that that means leaving Spain, possibly for good, and I can already feel the sick longing feeling in the pit of my stomach. Its a bit melodramatic, but I love it here and I feel like I am at my best as a human being when I am in a place that excites me. I don’t know what it is about this country (well, maybe with the big cities of this country), but I have fallen hard for them and I can’t bear the thought of leaving. Then again, maybe I have to give America a chance. Everyone says I would love San Francisco. I am going because I feel I have to, and maybe that is why I feel so confused and lost. I have no real reason to go back, but no justification to stay. I want someone to make up my mind for me!

I think I just have to make the best of the last month and see what happens. Everyone is telling me that I am too young to be stressing about huge future decisions and I am finally beginning to believe them. I am supposed to be having the experience of a lifetime, and that is what I am going to do.

I also found another video from that Spanish band that I’ve learned to love, and I’ve decided that it’s not the language that I like. I just like the band. I’ve been trying to translate some of the lyrics and it’s been a fantastic exercise for me. I also now have a soundtrack for my incredible last two months in Madrid. If only they weren’t currently touring Mexico 😩 But seriously watch this video it’s great.

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